There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she woke up with a sticky ear
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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