Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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