'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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