Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
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If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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