Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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