R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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