I look better un-naked...
I looked at my own cervix.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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