I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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