capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
