friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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