So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
