i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
