Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
