eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
