I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
