I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
