Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize