I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
