she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
