why im i the only drunk person in the library?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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