Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
