Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
