her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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