I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
