He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
