Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
