Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
