it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
