I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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