there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
