i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
