I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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