hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Enjoy the penises
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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