i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize