just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
