Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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