i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
