my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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