We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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