worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
