North Korea, Best Korea!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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