I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
