i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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