Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
