bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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