took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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