Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
