I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
