made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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