its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
