she looked like the before picture.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
