Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
