If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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