Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
