How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize