umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
