You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
