This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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