That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
