I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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