nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
