My nipple is on Facebook.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
