I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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