the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
