Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You were trust falling into bushes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
