I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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