ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
