just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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