If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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