his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
